• By Alexis Scheer

    Alexis Scheer’s breakout play was the Off Broadway hit "Our Dear Dead Drug Lord" in 2021. She is an actress and holds a MFA in playwrighting from Boston University. She also writes for television including “Pretty Little Liars: Original Sin” (HBO Max)

    Learn more about Alexis here 
  • More plays by Alexis Scheer:

    Our Dear Dead Drug Lord
    Bad Cinderella (Book)
    Mrs. Santa Claus (Book)

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Characters

Mariana (Mari) - Female. Late twenties/Early thirties. Latina. An art gallery director. Ambitious, Uptight, Guarded.

Estella - Female. Mid-fifties. Latina.
A movie star. Regal, Charming, Beloved.

Carolina (Caro) - Female. Late twenties/ Early thirties. Latina.
A painter. Unconventional, Intuitive, Passionate.

Juan - Male. Late twenties/ Early thirties. Latino.
A Miami-Dade police officer. Warm, Goofy, Easy-going.

Jenny - Female. Late twenties/ Early thirties. White.
A personal assistant. Bubbly, Savvy, Romantic.

Setting

An art gallery in Wynwood. Miami, FL. December.

Laughs in Spanish

Lights up on an art gallery in Florida in early December, the morning after the paintings for that night’s exhibition opening have been stolen!

We find Mariana (better known as Mari), the young art gallery owner, her best friend, Carolina (better known as Caro), who is an intern at the gallery, and Juan, who is a police officer and happens to be Caro’s boyfriend. Mari’s stress level is through the roof as Juan takes a police report. She blames Caro for not locking up properly. Caro defends herself saying that she specifically remembers locking up because she was on the phone with Juan, who also remembers her doing this because she said the code out loud and he thought she was at the ATM. The phone rings and Mari answers it. It's the liquor store confirming her order for the party that night. She says the party is still on. During this exchange we also find out that the artist of the stolen paintings will not be attending the opening but that some very wealthy prospective buyers, the Goldbergs, will be attending which increases Mari’s stress.

Juan suggests that Mari display Caro’s paintings instead. Mari refuses stating that Caro is still in school. Caro doesn't want to push the idea because she needs to finish this internship to finish her MFA. Juan encourages her to advocate for herself. Mari and Caro squabble some more about the idea until the phone rings, and Mari gives up, agreeing to display Caro’s art. The phone call announces the arrival of Mari’s movie star mother, Estella, who is in Miami and enters the gallery shortly after.

Juan and Caro both get excited to meet Estella, who is gorgeously dressed and charming (you can’t help but love her instantly). She talks about her latest movie which was a Batman movie where she played a radioactive maid, which was a departcher for her as she usually does not take roles that have to do with cleaning products or cocaine, as they are horrible Latin stereotypes. Caro and Juan leave after making plans to bring Caro’s art later that afternoon.

Now alone in the gallery, Estella tells Mari that she needs to relax or she will develop forehead lines. This launches them into a fast paced conversation where they bring up old wounds such as Estella’s film career making her absent from Mari’s school play. Estella says she felt terrible about missing it but reminds her of the art show that she intended in college where Mari won for a painting she did of Estella naked by a bathtub. “You won best in show with that painting”  she says. Mari shouts “Best in show?! I'm not a dog!” After the argument burns out, Estella prompts Mari to make a to-do list to get ready for the party. 

Jenny, Estella's new assistant, walks in with some green juices. Jenny and Mari instantly recognize each other from boarding school. They are both over-joyed to see each other again. Jenny had no idea Estella was Mari’s mom. Estella decides that everyone is going shopping because Mari needs to have a better outfit for tonight.

We transition to the interior of Juan’s cop car, with Juan and Caro. Juan turns on the police siren to try to get out of some traffic but Caro says to turn it off. Juan can tell something is off. They sit in silence for a moment and then at the same time they share what is bothering them. Caro says she is pregnant and Juan says he stole the paintings. They are both shocked. Juan asks what she wants to do about the pregnancy. She says she wants to have the baby. Juan is surprised by the answer only because Caro is a feminist and he assumed she might choose not to keep it, but he loves the idea. He asks her to marry him, but Caro says she doesn't want a pregnancy to be the reason for getting married. She says that would be repeating the path her parents took, “It’s such a cliche.” Juan is dejected and says he needs to sit with it for a second. All of a sudden Caro remembers his confession “You stole the paintings?!” Black out.

We transition back to the art gallery where Estella has decorated it for the holidays, including a menorah for the Goldbergs. Mari is also now wearing a fierce new outfit. During this transition everyone is decorating and dancing to spanish christmas music and an exterior patio attached to the gallery is also revealed. During the following split scene between the gallery and patio. Estella gets to know Juan and tells him about how she and Mari moved to Miami in the late 80s. Juan comments that she must have really seen some things referring to the drug culture happening in the late 80s. Estella says she has. Meanwhile on the patio, Jenny accidentally lets slip to Caro that Estella’s real reason for coming to Miami is to ask Mari to be a character witness for her as she has been summoned to court for an arraignment hearing, and could possibly be facing jail time. 

Caro and Juan leave to pick up the food for the party and Estella instantly comments to the others that Caro is pregnant, as she did not have any alcohol and Juan had asked Estella for marriage advice. She thinks they are good together. Jenny exits to the patio but overhears Mari confessing to her mom that she likes Jenny. Estella is so pleased that she did something right as a mom. Estella decides this is her best chance to ask Mari to accompany her to court and explains that her name has come up in a cold case for a drug smuggling ring. She explains that when she was young her cousin flew here to Miami to visit family and had her bring two suitcases with her, but told her never to look in them. She only did it twice because it freaked her out too much. She got one of her first acting roles on Miami Vice, not because of her acting but because she understood the world. This is why she doesn't accept roles with cleaning products or cocaine because she does not want to be associated with that world. Mari refuses to go to court with her, after all these years of being absent as a mother, “...you expect me to go to court and lie about how awesome you are at it.”

Caro and Juan arrive with the food only to open it up and see that they were given the wrong order. Estella jumps into action taking Juan and Caro to track down the delivery truck, leaving Jenny and Mari alone.

We transition to mid conversation between the two as they reminisce about boarding school. Jenny remembers a poem Mari wrote and recites it by heart. The two end up kissing

Transitiong to the back of the cop car where Juan and Estella are smoking a joint. Estella confesses that she knows Caro is pregnant and that Juan stole the paintings. He confesses that he took them so that Caro could show her work. He took Caro into work the next morning so that he would be onsite to investigate, they didn't even call 911. He says it was actually his day off today. Juan is also not sure how to feel about Caro not wanting to marry him. Estella reflects on Mari when she was growing up. She describes how Mari would create stories, plays and art and Estella was so excited to talk to her about it all, but reflects that maybe what Mari really needed was for someone to listen.

We transition back to the gallery. Estella tells Mari that by the time they tracked down the food at the other party it had already been eaten. They have Cuban street food to substitute and they decided to go with it as a theme night. Mari gets a call that the artist whose work was supposed to be on display tonight is back in Miami. Mari tells someone to check his whereabouts on instagram. They find a post where the artist says his paintings were stolen but have been recovered and everyone should come to check out the work of Caro, and enjoy a special live performance by Estella. Mari looks to her mom who says she slid into the artist’s DMs to get a ringing endorsement for tonight. Mari is wary that all of this is to make her go to court with Estella tomorrow. Estella assures her that she does have to do anything she doesn't want, she just wants Mari to know that she is here and she is trying. This makes Mari emotional and she confesses that the painting she won the art show with, with her mom by the bathtub was actually a self-portrait of herself. Her mom just assumed it was her. She tells her mom that when she thought she hadn't shown up to the art show, her art teacher had taken her out to the bar and got everyone to sing her happy birthday so that they could get a free dessert to make her feel better. When she came back from the ATM, Estella had arrived in the bar and everyone was fanning over her including her art teacher who had forgotten Mari was even there. She quit painting after that, realizing that she never wanted to be in the spotlight, because everyone else she loves would be in the dark.

Ending: We always encourage you to read the play yourself or to enjoy a live performance. But, if you need the ending now, scroll to the bottom of the comments section.

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The Ending - Spoilers Ahead

On the patio Juan and Caro talk through their situation and they agree to start with having the baby together and marry when the time is right. They enter the gallery where Estella begins her one-woman performance. In a spoken word performance she enacts a story of her mother giving her a drink that sends her into a psychedelic trip. When she recovers she finds she is pregnant. She says that “Growing up [her mother] never failed to remind me she used to be someone before she had me. She would have been a famous singer. And I took it all away from her. That won’t be me though. My daughter will know me as more than her mother, so she never fears having it all.”

In the following scene Mari reflects on her mom’s performance, realizing that she wanted her mom to be a mom like on tv. But she's not that tv mom. “...I realize now it's only cause she cleared the floor and gave me the heels.” Estella enters and Mari asks her what time the arraignment is tomorrow and if she needs to wear a dress. They hug. Everyone begins to dance and Estella mentions that she can't drink too much because she is going to bring the paintings back to the artist tonight. Mari asks “What paintings?!” Estella says “it’s fine. Don't worry about it.” as they continue dancing.